Busy.

A beautiful, non-busy day at Lake Erie

Some days what I need to hear hits me directly in the face.

For instance, I have been getting lots of phone calls, text, and e-mails asking how I am doing. All things considered, I am doing great! I am almost 37 weeks pregnant and very healthy. 

But when I reply to an e-mail, text or phone call I always say I am busy. It is 9 times out of 10 my first response. As if the first thing on my mind is my busy-ness. 

Which is not true.

I am working 40 hours a week still, yes sometimes that is busy, but I have given up a lot of my work to my co-worker who will be filling in for me.

I am pregnant, so yes once a week I have to go to doctor's visits. Oh and I like to sleep 12 hours a night.

I am married,  so yes I cook and clean and help my husband but lets face it, I AM PREGNANT. I clean the minimum I can to get by and make sure my house doesn't smell funky. I am not "Susie homemaker" right now.

To sum that all up, it really means I AM NOT THAT BUSY!

I come home, take a nap, eat and then read or watch some television. 3-4 days a week I walk about 20-30 minutes after work. And this is about it.

So why do I say I am busy?

Do I feel like I should be busy? As if being pregnant is not enough for me? As if I am trying to be busy to not be something else? Or not deal with things, emotions or people? Is this really all a front?

I really hate to admit this, but yes I think my busy response relates to all of those. 

I don't want to be busy. I don't want to be lazy either, I want a happy medium. One where I get things done I need to but also realize that it is completely ok to sit for hours talking to a friend or reading a good book. 

That's where I got hit directly in the face. 

I have been spending more time browsing the internet due to new internet usage around our household (we used to have a limited amount of internet. bad idea. don't do that). I find myself reading some great articles, listening to great podcast or internet radio stations and then finding awesome blogs to follow. 

Then I stumbled upon this.
And this.
And then this. 

So really, why do I think I am busy? 

This topic really hit home for me this week. I know I should be more mindful. Take in every moment, they are fleeting. And deal with an people, emotions or scary thoughts upfront. There is no need to hide in being busy. I don't want to. I don't need to.

I think it will take some more introspection. I am sure things in my life will change whenever, if ever, our baby is here. Maybe then I will know busy.


So for now, if you ask, no I am not busy.